I woke up keenly aware of who I am. Opening my eyes to see the sun peaking up over the horizon, my heart felt a wave of peace. Most mornings start with the hustle of packed lunches, breakfasts and fighting time to catch the bus. This morning felt different. I had the strangest feeling of peace. The kind that is usually fleeting.

The night before I sat in my yard as the full moon began to light the night sky. I took deep breathes in as I encouraged my body to let go. To let go of its suffering, to set down the superficial worries of each day. I surrendered to everything. Each breath I took was the reminder to be in my right now. Each exhale was the reminder that I do not need to control or manipulate time, behaviors, or outcomes. I asked to surrender to alignment, and release what my body held for too long.

I sat on the edge of my bed with flashes of photographs running through my mind. Various forms of myself at different ages, with different physical appearances, and many shades of trauma. Each one still holds a tiny place within my body. I breathe in again as I visit these memories with compassion and love instead of shame and anger. So many “Laura’s”, all the same in some ways but different in many. Out loud I spoke, ” Thank you for never giving up”. Tears fell down my cheeks as I felt pride all of those versions I have been. The ones who use to make me shutter or cringe, I now realize the value in their stories. The woven steps of their grief, heartache, and times of joy are the fabric of my existence. I now know that without them, there is no “me”. Every tear shed has given me the gift of my right now. Every hole in my heart has given me an appreciation for my loved ones still here.

Because of them, I know who I am. Because of their stories and lessons, I will never abandon myself again. Because of them….I am finally whole.

-Laura