As I reflected on this week 4 years ago it feels like decades. My life changed in ways even four years ago I could not see coming. (You can read about that day here https://lifenofilter.com/2019/10/04/425/ )

The word that comes to mind is fear. Four years ago I was just starting to understand my intuitive gifts. I was in the beginning stages of healing my need to be understood and validated. I was discovering who I was, but that was not something I was comfortable sharing with anyone not extremely close to me. At this point four years ago I had just clawed my way out of a very dark, grief stricken place. I was on solid ground for the first time in decades. I was still in a raw, vulnerable existence that felt like being fully seen as a women, an intuitive, and a healer was terrifying. As I read my blog above from that day, I can feel my fear and pain. I can feel the delicate tip toeing of words to weave a story ever so gently as to not ruffle anyone’s feathers.

I write to you all today as a woman unafraid to be seen. I no longer tip toe or dance around my truth. I simply exist fully in who I am. I do not read the room or gauge judgment that may fall upon me. I am me. I do not fear being misunderstood, but instead trust those meant for me find me. When I am misunderstood it does not feel personal anymore, it feels like a beautiful gift to use as discernment. I am free, more free than the woman I was four years ago.

This past Sunday I stood in the very church where four years ago I looked at my then boss and friend who was a pastor and said “I have to go and look for the missing women. I can see where she is, I can feel it. “ and in the walls of that church, when most churches wouldn’t have been safe for a person like me, he said “go, I’ll meet you there, I will walk with you ”. Four years after kindness, grace, and faith was extended to me in my childhood church, I was invited to stand before that same congregation unafraid, unhidden, standing fully as the women I am today. All of her. I stood as members of the church took communion on a day the church celebrates how people around the world express their spirituality. I stood and sent healing from my hands as they walked past me. Some stopped in curiosity, others were hesitant, all of it was beautiful and ok. It was beautiful because it’s the reminder that to feel accepted you must first accept and love yourself. That was the difference four years made. I accept myself fully, I love myself, flaws and all.

I could have never envisioned what was to come all these years later. I wouldn’t have believed the story that’s been written thus far. That’s the thing about life, we aren’t supposed to know what’s coming. If we did I’m not so sure we could handle the truth. Because I can tell you with certainty, I would never have thought I could be so at peace with who I am let alone speak and teach others how to live the same. I could not have fathomed I’d own a business, and connect with people all over the world.

Who would’ve thought the woman who almost threw up when she shared her first blog four years ago, would wake up each day eager to write and share what’s on her heart? Who would’ve thought the broken, angry, woman who was angry at God could find acceptance, and light within a church once again? Most of all who would have ever imagined she’d one day use her story of brokenness, fear, and pain to help others heal their own pain?

Grow. Heal. Change. Love every inch of what makes you, you. Because four years from today you can’t imagine all that can be. 💛 

Thank you for being here with me.